Sort of Beautiful
by pamy
Summary: Series of oneshots about Jake/Bella. Previously entitled Mistletoe. Chapter 1: Mistletoe, Chapter 2: mud pies, Chapter 3: Fishing, Chapter 4: heaven, Chapter 5: white walls
1. Mistletoe

Title: Mistletoe

Series: New moon

Character POV: Jacob Black

Pairing : Jacob/Bella

* * *

Jacob has never understood much about Christmas traditions.

He doesn't understand the need to go out and find a Christmas tree. Especially not if you're just going to burn it a couple of weeks later. Never has he understood the need to wish for a white Christmas. This is Forks. It's not like there's much need to wish. It snows every year. He doesn't understand the need for hot chocolate or marshmallows.

He understands the presents. But he guesses that's normal.

He's never understood Christmas. Never thought much about it. But his father loves Christmas. And Jacob knows that it is because his mother loved Christmas. So he never tells his father this. That year, like every year, they end up at the Swan residence. And Jake is happy. Because it means that for the first time he'll be spending Christmas with Bella. He looks forward to that at least.

It doesn't take him long to realize it's not Bella.

She's like a ghost. It almost pains him to look at her. And for the first time he completely agrees with everybody on the rez. He hates the Cullen's. Hates them for what they did to that beautiful happy girl he saw last year on the beach. She looks at him and smiles. The smile never reaches her eyes. But from the look on Charlie's face it's more than she's been able to do. He supposes that something.

It's not until much later that they literally bump into each other.

He looks in her eyes for the first time. And he sees so much pain. And he just wants to reach out and take it all away. But he can't. Not until she lets him. But when she does he'll be there, waiting for her. His father clears his throat and looks at something above them. Mistletoe. Jake has never understood much about that either. Why hang those things around? They are not even very pretty. They're just branches really. He looks at Bella. She smiles.

Suddenly she kisses him.

And sure it's just on his cheek. But that doesn't matter _– none of it matters _– because Bella kissed him. And he's sure he's bright red. But that doesn't matter either. Because she looks at him and she smiles. For the firs time she really smiles. And he sees that sparkle in her eyes that was there before. And sure it's gone quick but still it was there. _'Tradition' _She says. Then she turns and walks away. And he just stands there. Bright red. Grinning like an idiot.

No Jacob Black doesn't understand much about Christmas traditions.

But he definitely understands about the mistletoe now.


	2. mud pies

Title: Mud pies

Series: Pre-twilight

Characters: Jacob, Bella, Quill, Embry

Pairing: Jacob/Bella (friendship)

* * *

It had been raining for days.

This was Forks after all. It was not unexpected. She however did not like it. Bella Swan was used to the sun. The warmth. She had always hated the rain. The cold. She loved playing outside. She wasn't made to stay inside for days. With no possible way of going outside. She's slowly losing her mind. The rain has to stop at some point. She's sure of it. It has to.

It takes four days for the weather to finally clear.

Her father took her to La Push. Bella didn't care. She would have gone fishing at that point. As long as she got out of the house. Arriving at Billy's house changed things a bit. His two daughter's were inside. She couldn't understand how they could stand to stay inside for one more second. Perhaps they had grown so used to it didn't matter to them anymore. She hopes that she will never get used to it. They were playing with dolls. Bella however was never one for dolls.

Jake was outside. With two of his friends.

She had always liked playing with Jake. She just hopes his friends are nice. She couldn't stand to stay inside for one more second. She was playing outside. If his two sisters thought she was crazy, well who cares. They were playing with mud. Making mud pies. Sure it's not something she would have done. But right now she just wants to have some fun.

The smile that spreads across his face was genuine.

And she can't help but smile back. She sits down and begins to play with them. She's sure she's never met his two friends. But they were just as nice as Jake. A part of her wonders if it's weird she gets better along with boys. Not to mention three boys that are younger then her. Yet at that moment she doesn't really care.

Of course, being herself, at some point she had to fall.

Face first in the mud. And of course they burst out laughing. She didn't appreciate it. It could have happened to anyone. Of course it happened to her. She didn't even think about her next action. She simply grabbed a handful of mud and threw it at Jake. It hid him in the face. He looks at you with surprise in his eyes. Of course his two friends begin to laugh even harder.

He grabs a hold of some mud and throws it at Embry.

And so the mud fight started. Nobody is sure who hit who. Or how many times anyone was hit. They were however having the time of their live. They weren't paying any attention to the surroundings. They didn't see the freshly washed linen hanging on the line. If they had they might have avoided hitting it. As it was they didn't. Bella's last ball hit Jake in the chest. His shirt had been white not so long ago. Not anymore though. Quill and Embry hit each other. Jake's ball was directed at Bella. For once in her life she managed to make a fast move without falling down. The mud ball hit something else instead.

There was complete silence as the four children watched in horror as the mud slowly began dripping of Charlie's Swans face.

The next day was the warmest day of the summer. The four children had to sit in front of the window and stare outside. They weren't going anywhere.


	3. Fishing

Title: Fishing

Series: Pre-Twilight

Characters : Billy, Charlie, Jake, Bella

Pairing: Jacob/Bella (friendship)

* * *

Charlie and Billy had always like fishing.

Bella and Jake had never been a fan. As it was they were going fishing today. Bella suspected it had something to do with Sarah. Sarah Black had died only a couple of months earlier. Jake hadn't smiled a lot since she had been here. Bella supposes she can't blame him. After all his mother had just died. It's not like he had much to smile about.

She supposes this is an attempt to get him out of the house.

It's the only reason she is going. She thinks he might need some time outside. Jake and Billy should probably also spend some time together. And if she had to suffer trough one afternoon of fishing to make him smile she would gladly do it. She wishes there was something she could do for him. But she knows there's nothing she can do. There's nothing she can say.

Jake's not exactly thrilled at the prospect.

Two hours later Bella can't exactly blame him. She's sure she's never been more bored in her life. It wouldn't have been so bad if they could actually talk. But Billy and Charlie had requested complete silence. Something to do with Fish staying away from to much noise. For them it might have been nice. For Jake and Bella it made everything even more boring.

They ended up whispering.

Years later Bella can't truly remember what they talked about. Nor what game they were playing. Whatever it was it made her stand at some point. And since she was Isabella Swan, the clumsiest girl in Forks, she fell. In the water. She must have looked like a drowned cat. There was complete silence. For about five seconds. Then they all three began to laugh with her. Usually Bella hated being laughed at. She hated it. She was ready to say something when her eyes fell on Jake.

He was not just smiling. He was laughing. He was happy.

And she's sure it's the first time he's laughed so hard since his mother died. And she doesn't have the heart to take it away from him. For those couple of seconds he had forgotten she was gone. It's all she could give him. He made to help her out. But she wanted to make him laugh more. So instead of accepting his hand she pulled him in the water.

She supposes she's lucky he didn't see it coming.

It's the only reason it worked. The only reason why she was strong enough to pull him in the water. She didn't think it was possible but Billy and Charlie actually started to laugh harder. Now they were two drowned cats. Bella didn't even care if they got sick. Suddenly Jake cries out: _'Dad! I caught a fish!'_ Everybody turns to him. And sure enough Jacob Black is holding a fish in his hands. A live fish.

Complete and shocked silence.

Billy and Charlie never expected this. It only took them a couple of seconds to recover though. Bella had a picture of that day. They were both on the picture (and they did look like drowned cats) grinning. It's the happiest picture of Jake that year.

And so it was that on that Friday in the middle of summer Jacob Black – _with a little help from Isabella Swan – _caught his first fish.

It just wasn't in the traditional way.


	4. heaven

Title: Heaven

Series: Twilight

Pairing: Jacob/Bella

Character POV: Bella Swan

* * *

She's not ready for this.

As he leans closer to her – _impossibly closer – _and all she can think is _I'm not ready. _She's sure she'll never be ready. Never. She'll always love him. She'll never be able to let him go. Never. She'll always belong to Edward Cullen. She can't let Jake do this. It will complicate everything. It will destroy them. But she can't back away either. That will destroy them as well.

If only he could give her time. Time to make a decision.

She could let him. Love him. Or at least try to love him. She can hear different voices resound in her head. The first sounds like Alice. It's telling her she can't do this. Can't because she loves Edward. And she has to stay alone. Wait for him to come back.

'_But he's not coming back. He left you here remember.'_

Bella thinks she's definitely completely lost it now. Because Sam Uley in her head is just completely and totally weird. She doesn't even have time to wonder why it's his voice. _– of all the people she knows why him?- _But she hears it. And all the voices do is confuse her. And Jake just keeps leaning closer and closer. She feels his warm hand on her cold cheek.

And she knows she could just turn away.

It would hurt him. But he would let go. But she's hearing two voices in her head. And she's feeling conflicted. Because a part of her wants him to stop. _– because she doesn't love him. She loves Edward. She'll never move on. – _but another part of her tells her to stay. Stay. Because the warmth of his hand feels so good. And she's been cold for so long. All she wants to do is feel.

She could try. Maybe she'll feel something.

But before she can decide. Before she can do anything her time is up. His warm lips brush over hers for just a second. As if he's testing the waters. And her brain simply goes foggy. She forgets everything. She can't feel a thing. She can't hear their voices. Because the warmth feels oh so good. She gives herself to him completely. Completely and totally.

And the last conscious thought that runs trough her head, before she stops thinking completely, is :

_I never knew it was this warm in heaven. _


	5. Wite walls

Written for the March Drabble Challenge, on theair_thesun community on livejournal. The prompt was 'what if Jacob had been able to convince Bella to give up Edward's baby in Breaking Dawn.

I hate this prompt, not because I hate the story I've written for it, but because it gave me this idea for a whole fic (like I don't already have so many ideas).

Title: White walls

Book: Breaking Dawn

Pairing: Jake/Bella (sort of)

* * *

Everything is white ( the walls, the ceiling even the chairs – _everything ) _it's the only thing she really notices. She thinks it's supposed to be calming. That's what she thinks at least, but all it has done so far is make her crazy. It's to bright, to happy, to hopeful. _It's giving her a headache. _The world around her is white, it's all she notices.

That and Jake's warm hand in hers.

****

The next thing she consciously notices is a ring falling on the ground. _And Edward disappearing, he's always doing this, always disappearing. _She watches the ring fall, and roll away. She realizes it means something, final, an ending.

But she's to broken, to far gone, to actually care.

****

She can't remember much at all, not the leaving of the hospital, not anything. She sees the world, but nothing gets trough to her, and she doesn't care anymore. Those zombie months were nothing compared to this pain, nothing compared to what she feels right now.

Jake stays by her side ( she _thinks it should have been Edward, but he's simply gone_ ) trough it all. He holds her hand and later when it's all done, he carries her home. He puts her to bed and tucks her in, he takes care of her like she's a little child. He talks ( _she knows he does, his lips are moving, but she can't hear a thing), _but she doesn't answer and eventually he leaves.

He comes back though, he always does that, he leaves but eventually he comes back.

****

She thinks she's going crazy, she doesn't move not even a muscle. She just lies there staring at the wall ( _not white like the hospital ones, she doesn't care anyway). _Jake sits beside the bed, never leaving her alone, always by her side.

She eats but only because she has to, only because Jake forces her to eat. He holds her when she cries, he never says a word, never forces her to talk, never walks away from her.

****

_There's a crying baby somewhere, she can hear it, she can see it. She knows it needs it, she knows it's hers, but she can't move her legs. The baby screams 'Mommy!' and she begins to run towards it, but when she reaches it, it disappears. _

Her screams sound throughout the house, everyone is instantly awake. Jake is by her side before her scream even ends. She's shaking and sobbing and it's getting hard to breath. He holds her close to him, and kisses the top of her head. He's saying something, she knows he is, but she can't quite focus long enough to hear it.

Jake holds her close to him and keeps saying over and over again '_It's okay Bella, it's all going to be okay, I promise, it's all going to be okay.'_

And she wants to believe him, believe that someday it will be okay, but she can't believe anything anymore.


End file.
